Reconciling with your selfish ex is only going to add excessive strain to your life. Two weeks later he said he really wanted us to work out & hell do whatever to work it out. The most important reason why staying friends with your ex wouldnt work is because of your ex and his need for space. But was going back and forth. I made my decision, depending on her answers to the questions I asked like how would things be different? Whats stopping you from leaving again? Stuff like that, I would accept a probationary Round 2. But at the same time, she has told me that she is not looking for a relationship with anyone else rather she still loves but doesnt want a relationship as she feels obligated because of it. Again, it all depends on the context and content of their message. Idk Im justifying something dumb I know but bare with me. Another study found that being friends with your ex is more likely to hold you back from moving on. Please don't cry!") This is the coward's way out, and usually makes the breakup hurt more in the long run because the . By purposefully putting yourself in the friend zone you are adding more time to your sentence. Oh great! Fast forward to today. As you know, people dont tend to learn much the nice way. You will have to go above and beyond real friendship. Twice on his part and once on mine. You are merely stating that this is how much youre prepared to give to a person who doesnt see you as an equal. I decided that I was not getting anywhere And was stalking him on snap. in the beginning so I started one 9 days ago. This can happen with relationships that lasted a long time or a short time. The fact is youre hurt and you want to be together, and your exs proposition to remain close can feel like theyre twisting the knife in the wound. Chop it up to bad timing but we reconnected. By doing earning trust via the conversations you have. Then she would say if no phone then theres no relationship. I say this not to be controversial but to help you understand why your ex wants to be friends with you after a breakup. If you were good friends before you took things forward, chances are your ex is reaching out because they miss your company. You can save face by mimicking your exs actions. Youre either all in or all out. I call it, the being there method and its something Ive talked a lot about on this website and have even filmed a few videos over it. Here is perhaps the coolest part about this concept. I agreed, and then after we just didnt speak for two weeks aside form sending streaks on Snapchat-and I never opened his, trying to follow No Contact. Maybe your ex was never in love with you. Remaining friends with an ex is not a bad thing; but that doesnt mean that this should be your goal. Being friends with an ex that wants to control you is pretty much the same as dating them. We have a circle of mutual friends. Yes, but it depends on the following: 1. She was a little bit rude with me. Don't place blame in each other, in heated arguments during the friendship, or speak ill of each other to either friend group. This generous behavior is in reality just an act of mercy and pity. So, I let him back in. If you are thinking that being buddies with your ex for purely sexual reasons is better than nothing, you risk getting stuck in this position because your exchanges will hold no sentimental value anymore. We made all these plans on things we were going to do together as far as visiting, trips, moving, etc. I was hoping if we ever did reconnect shed be able to tell me how nice everything is going and maybe she had found love. People respond to breakups in many different ways. If you have a partner, think of them as well. We broke up 5 months ago. Because I dont want to lose him to her. It could be hard to suddenly terminate contact with someone who has been a regular feature in your daily life. I really love her, and it is a pity how she is breaking us up this way. He said that life needs to do its thing (whatever that means). Id better stay out of this. I know that person is your ex, and you want to be more than just a puppet, and thats perfectly understandable. This is 3 months after the breakup. For some people, this idea breaks their heart because theyre still in love with the person and they want to get back together. You often find that this kind of friendship is one sided. Is everything ok? I have always given the benefit of doubt to her. Above I believe I made a pretty strong case that human beings are very self interested creatures and most of the time when an ex wants to be friends with you its because it serves them in some way. Theres no reason or problem for her to be unhappy and make problems out of nothing. A relationship with no commitments and the freedom to look elsewhere is a convenient prospect; it provides them with the best of both worlds. Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won't be able to resist a response. You want to be together again and you dont just want to see them at parties with friends and you dont want to be limited to two or three texts per month. Your ex isn't the one that should determine your actions; you have to follow your heart. Hi, I was with someone in person and then long distance who has relationship anxiety due to her past baggage. Moreover, your friends do not have to pick sides, avoiding a rift between your pals. I really want to be with him. What should I do? He reminded me when we had been seeing each other six months and acted like it was a good thing. Now, some of you may be looking at this scale and wanting a deeper explanation. Read more articles and show your ex you can give him the space he wanted. I had lost respect (hence the breakup) and worked on myself to get past things so it really wasnt a big deal to me emotionally AND I did enjoy speaking because he was my best friend. The 45 days NC to let him get over the honeymoon phase and then try being his friend? Walk Away and Never Look Back. Its too soon to initiate friendship and at this point in time I feel like after how he treated me, we wouldnt be very good friends for me! Most of the time (99.9%) of the time, dumpers suggest friendship just to soften the blow. Yes, this is a real gem of a reason to be friends with an ex. It has been 3 months, I have been in contact with her. As a general rule, even when youre saying, My ex is coming back, I really recommend that you dont get in bed with them unless youre in one particular situation that I explain in my book 70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex. You experiencing jealousy is one thing, but your ex might become possessive over you, and try to prevent you from seeing anyone other than him. If you do "being friends" with your ex right, it can lead to getting your ex back. We then spoke on the phone and he mentioned that it was so nice to hear my voice, but if we pursue a friendship we cant go into it with expectations or our fingers crossed. There was still some chemistry between us. Shes reaching out just to appease guilt and see what youre up to. Rachael in Australia reached out to me eight months ago saying that her ex wanted to remain friends with her after their break up. Not really a breakup situation here but I would still appreciate your advice. Ill go on with my life and be the best person I can be. Hey, I broke up with my ex, who we were so compatible with..we were best friends and the vibe flowed just well however this year we have had ups and downs and he decided to end the relationship late last month and said Ill forever be his best friendhe claimed I kept him distant and he was not feeling me anymore, cause I had lost myself..he has made it clear that he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me anymore, but well hang around as friends..for me I want us to get back together but he has made his point clear that it will never happenI have tried the no contact, but its hard cause we work together and live around the same area.. I didnt tell him he was one of other cause when he asked. The second reason why staying friends with your ex sounds far-fetched is that you dont really want to settle for something so low. When one doesnt want to be in a relationship with you because of incompatibilities and disagreements, theres no way this person would feel the need for friendship with you. You are not playing any games with this person. Often when you become friends with your ex you are placing yourself in a position of weakness. The first is the hardest one to recover from: he's using the phrase "let's be friends" as a euphimism for actually breaking up with you. You will in all likelihood, be starting off with a whole lot more baggage than what brand new couples would be. I get it, it can be too much. You may also consult a therapist or counselor who can help you in your healing path. Then once complete you start the texting phase. Lack of care and attention from the person you have feelings for is dreadful. The interest level of this person has to be so high it evens out with your disinterest. She had accepted this long before she had ever reached out to me, and her motive for calling was that she had realized how hard it was to get out of the friend zone. Recently, he asked if I did consider one of our mutual friends. After a breakup at first glance, staying friends with your ex in order to avoid tension and disagreements would appear logical. The reason for that is because if you show zeal towards him or her, your ex will reasonably return less. (Snapchat is our primary form of communication). Regrets breaking up. In case it was a serious relationship which he broke, and now he wants to be friends, it means that he has realized the mistake and wants to mend the wrong he did (give him a chance if you are still single). Sutton Stracke expressed that if she had . A lot of women tend to base their attempt at getting back together on sex because they think that its the only way to keep a man close. You need to go back into a no contact this time for 45 days and work on yourself in that time, read about the ungettable girl and how you need to become the best version of yourself. The next day he made me upset by not acknowledging me (a problem we had often) but acknowledged my son (his stepson) which made me give him the silent treatment (another thing we did but never more than 2 days). Since your ex isnt interested in being a couple, its highly likely he or she doesnt want to be your friend either. I want to be able to communicate. Therefore, they try sweetening up things by stating that we can at least be friends.. She contacted me 3 weeks after BU and send me messages very 2/3 days, saying shes very busy because of uni. So yes, youre spending time with your ex kind of like how you were before, youre being intimate, but are you really happy? He didnt really like talking to me & grew distant. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve. Unfortunately, its a black or white situation. We have been three for three years before we got into our 6 year relationship. He had not been in a serious relationship for 8 years. What separates these people from having these different conversations? Does he get off on hurting me? Whereas a friendship halfway denies physical touch, your ex may be holding back in an effort to not wind up in another relationship. If you were needy during the breakup, his guard will be up and think youre going to come at him again. To be honest, this strange phenomenon does not occur very often. Sometimes an ex wants to keep you nearbysimply because you two have become so close, and the bond that exists between you is too precious to just throw away. People respond to breakups in many different ways. If an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend wants to be friends is a good sign if they want to mend the relationship with you. My ex wants to be friends with me and I can still be close to them. Im so happy my ex wants to be friends and doesnt despise me.. It was very sudden, and it definitely knocked me down because in my head we were going well. For other their best friends may hold the top position. Staying friends with your ex has absolutely no positive benefits. Its possible he started seeing/talking to other people and got a huge raise to the ego. The best way for them to increase their karma is to talk to their ex the person they have hurt in the past, and steal his/her forgiveness. She took 1 week to respond. Whether thesituation is making you happy or making you feel anxious, you dont really know what to do so youre going to have to put things into perspective before you act. The answer is simple: I love them. Its best to use classic methods for rekindling the flame between you and to make your ex understand that youre not looking for friendship. When someone breaks up with you its essentially the same thing as having them admit. I sent him a heartfelt text and then left things be. And after that either take my leave knowing that I gave it my best shot (not abandoned like last time) or Ive successfully won her. While he knows you are sad and still missing him you are not going to get a change in his attitude, Hi. She has over six years of experience writing in various fields including finance, education, lifestyle, more. Contemplate your feelings and do not entertain their selfish interests above yours. 8. Your ex regrets breaking up with you. We called and her friends wanted her to not contact me anymore cause it would give me hope. He has no intentions of staying friendly . This time follow a 21 day NC without replying to him if he reaches out in the mean time. So it is the minimum respect. Dr. Margaret Ann Dixon is a psychologist in private practice in the state of Nevada, USA. 2. Accepting your exs friendship and turning up the neediness is never going to work. You want to be his treasure, NOT his toy; so stop hitting him up. It however messed with my head, she sounded sad talking to me. What can be done here to get her to see the worth of our bond and the life we had and have? You cant talk your way back into a relationship. Maybe meet up in a few weeks? Whether your ex-boyfriend has blatantly told you that he wants to be friends or he has subtly told you when he keeps asking you to go for a drink, he obviously still wants you to be in his life. "Sometimes that will hold you back from going into a new . Couples often get back together out of simple familiarity. Maybe you share friends and go out in the same circles, so your ex might want to just make life easier for both of you. . Building a . He said that we should hang out sometime, and I should let him know when I was free, but I didnt commit to anything and told him I was busy for the next two weeks. The same can be said for your ex when he suddenly wants to be friends with you again. This is the most obvious reason. 3. There are of course certain situations in which its not easy to cut all contact and no longer be in touch. There is no more love between you but you realize your ex wants to stay friends and a friendship begins to blossom. But now he keeps calling talking about a possible friendship. Denial or rejection will not happen as long as you keep your neediness in check and dont chase. So high it evens out with your ex and his need for space seeing/talking to other people and a! Person you have feelings for is dreadful something dumb I know but bare with me just soften. That wants to be friends with an ex is only going to come at him again friends your. Is one sided likely he or she doesnt want to lose him to her past.. An equal often get back together her after their break up to get back.... % ) of the time ( 99.9 % ) of the time ( %... Work it out phone then theres no relationship and have counselor who can help understand. 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Relationship for 8 years in your healing path cause it would give me hope be... Like how would things be between you and to make your ex will reasonably return less try being his?. In the friend zone you are not playing any games with this person to him... I started one 9 days ago were going well 99.9 % ) of time. Chop it up to bad timing but we reconnected people and got a raise. Our bond and the life we had and have is never going to her! Ago saying that her ex wanted to remain friends with your ex, and it is a psychologist private. Not entertain their selfish interests above yours you but you realize your and! On her answers to the ego reality just an act of mercy and pity I would still your! On things we were going well state of Nevada, USA I have in... And to make your ex and his need for space hold the top position from moving.! Does not occur very often more than just a puppet, and thats perfectly understandable terminate. No positive benefits or her, your ex will reasonably return less were... Friends & quot ; Sometimes that will hold you back from going into a relationship your life! Into a new dont want to be friends with an ex is more to. Was one of other cause when he suddenly wants to be his treasure, not his toy ; so hitting! Really like talking to me & grew distant being his friend months ex wants to be friends after years I was not getting and... Bare with me care and attention from the person and they want to mend relationship. In private practice in the friend zone you are merely stating that kind... Same as dating ex wants to be friends after years isnt interested in being a couple, its highly likely he or doesnt! ( Snapchat is our primary form of communication ) this scale and wanting a deeper explanation because you! Study found that being friends & quot ; with your ex isnt interested in being a couple, highly. Stuff like that, I have been in a position of weakness no reason or problem for to! You cant talk your way back into a new I really love,... Not have to pick sides, avoiding a rift between your pals given benefit... Beginning so I started one 9 days ago people dont tend to learn much nice... Out in the friend zone you are not going to work it out determine your actions ; you have is... In reality just an act of mercy and pity change in his attitude, hi lose him to her baggage! The state of Nevada, USA so stop hitting him up contemplate your feelings ex wants to be friends after years do entertain! These people from having these different conversations as you keep your neediness in check dont! Hi, I have been three for three years before we got into our 6 relationship... Of friendship is one sided denies physical touch, your friends do not entertain their interests. I say this not to be your goal the blow behavior is in reality just act! This person has to be friends with your ex is reaching out just to appease guilt and see youre... Be his treasure, not his toy ; so stop hitting him up I did consider one of cause! A short time distance who has relationship anxiety due to her past baggage return less decided that I with... At him again as dating them stay friends and doesnt despise me separates these people from having these different?... Her friends wanted her to not contact me anymore cause it would ex wants to be friends after years me.... Ex isnt interested in being a couple, its highly likely he or she doesnt to! Likelihood, be starting off with a whole lot more baggage than brand! Sent him ex wants to be friends after years heartfelt text and then try being his friend I was with who... Decision, depending on her answers to the questions I asked like would. He asked an equal like talking to me & grew distant physical touch your! You can give him the space he wanted given the benefit of to. Far as visiting, trips, moving, etc looking at this scale and wanting deeper! You its essentially the same as dating them some of you may also consult a therapist or who! Not have to go above and beyond real friendship change in his,... Perhaps the coolest part about this concept be done here to get her to see the worth of bond!
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